Change of Heart
by matchstickgirl
Summary: This is set after the first few episodes of series 11. Possible spoilers be warned! It is an Abby, Carter story but maybe not a Carby we'll see. Starts slow but there's a bit of angst & a bit of a surprise to come....
1. Default Chapter

Abby smiled. It was good to see them both and good to see them both settled, not exactly happy but content at least. Her doubts about visiting them had faded her first day there. Yes, she was glad she had come, not only because she needed the break, but she had felt ready to   
re-connect.  
  
Her Mother had been over the moon of course when she told her she was coming and even though it was awkward at first, Eric seemed pleased to see her too. They had enjoyed their week together and now she was leaving. She reached out to Eric to hug him and he responded by pulling her off the ground in a bear hug.  
  
"We'll see you at Christmas?" Maggie asked tentively  
"Maybe Mom, It depends on my shifts" she replied as Eric released her.  
Maggie tried to hide her disappointment and smiled bravely.  
Seeing her face Abby added   
"I'll do my best to to get time off Mom, I promise". She embraced her mother.  
  
Abby picked up her bag smiled.   
"Well I have to go they're calling my flight"

They said there final goodbyes and Abby walked   
away towards the departure gate. She was going to miss them.  
"Bye Doctor Lockhart" she heard Eric shout.

She turned to look at them, smiled and waved and then she was gone.

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Carter sat in the ambulance bay waiting for the stab victim who was due to arrive any minute. He put his head in his hands and tried to clear his head. He was exhausted.  
  
"Hey Carter" Susan shouted as she walked towards him. 6 weeks maternity leave was not enough and she couldn't believe she was back in the ER so soon and on at 7am.  
Carter looked up and smiled.  
"Miss me? She said as she approached "What, no welcoming committee?" She joked.  
He smiled as she sat down beside him.   
"You just missed them" he replied.  
"God I can't believe I'm back! she said as she unwound her scarf from her neck "So how you doing Carter?  
"I'm good" he replied staring at the floor. "How's motherhood suiting you?" Just then the ambulance pulled up and Carter pulled on his gloves. Two nurses joined him as he opened the ambulance doors and and paramedics started reeling off his vitals.

"14 year old male stabbing victim BP 140 over 80....  
  
Susan watched him from the bench. Carter looked terrible "Well catch up later ok?", she called out as he dashes past.  
  
He doesn't respond.

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"Time of death 12.15pm" Abby sighed and signed the chart  
  
"Hey" Luka called from the open doorway. . "He didn't make it?  
Abby shook her head "Seems Bill here spent one too many nights being drunk and disorderly"  
"You're back, how was your trip?" he asked as they left the trauma room.  
"It was good"  
"Good" Luka smiled softly then hesitated "Have you seen Carter since you've been   
back?  
"No why?"  
"He's not so good, I'm worried about him"  
"Well he lost his family Luka" she said drawing to a halt to drop her gloves in a bin  
"Yeah I know, but I just thought maybe you could talk to him. I've tried and at first he opened up, seemed to be getting better but now, I don't know"  
Abby looked at him. It was strange to see him concerned about John, but I guess   
they were friends now. 

"I'll talk to him ok?  
Luka nodded and started to walk back towards the trauma rooms. He paused and turned  
  
"It's good to see you Abby"  
  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Well thanks to all of you that have reviewed. I wasn't sure where I was going to go with this but now I have a few ideas. This is my first attempt at a fanfic and I'm really enjoying it. Just wish I had more time to spend on it. Please read and review.**   
  
**Three days later**  
  
Carter charged out the hospital main entrance, the doors rebounding violently. He had to get away. Away from the noise, the chaos and the stress. Hell he was due a break anyway. He started running. He needed to be alone, to calm down and to think.  
  
Moments later he found himself at the river, the calmness of the water doing nothing to ease his mood. He was furious. He knew he'd over-reacted but he didn't care and strangely it felt good. The emotion made him feel alive.   
  
He thought back to what had just happened. It was stupid really. Morris was just doing what he thought was right. A nine year old girl had been brought in by paramedics with a gun shot wound to the shoulder. At first it seemed she was lucky the wound was only superficial. Carter had joined Morris, Abby and Halle to check on the child and ordered Morris to clean her up and treat the wound but half an hour later she had arrested and after 45 minutes of trying resuscitate her, she had died. Morris had failed to present the full story to him. He had not told him that as the girl was shot the force of the bullet had thrown her in to the air smashing her back against a book case which then collapsed on top of her. This had caused internal injuries and she had haemorrhaged before they were able to treat her.  
  
"Hey"  
  
He turned to see Abby standing behind him. How long had she been there? And for a moment he just stared at her.

"Hey"  
  
"Are you OK? What happened back there? She tilted her head questioning, wisps of her hair blowing in her face and she tried to push them out of her eyes.  
  
"Nothing, apart from a kid has just died that we could of saved"  
  
"You don't know that"  
  
"Yes I do. I should have saved her"  
  
"It's not your fault Carter. OK, Morris should have given you the full history straight away, but we were all examining her, she had no indication of internal injuries when she first arrived."  
  
"No. If he had told us her history we would have done an ultrasound sooner. We would have checked more thoroughly" His voice was rising now but he didn't care. "I'm sick of putting up with him, he's sloppy, he's cocky and he shouldn't be a trauma room when he doesn't know what the hell he's doing!"   
  
"Carter! Abby yelled back. She took a deep breath and sighed. "Morris could be a better doctor I'll give you that, but screaming at him and storming out of a trauma will not help the situation." She pauses looking at the water not quite ready to meet his gaze. Slowly she looks up at him, touching his arm.  
  
"What's this really all about Carter?  
  
He doesn't respond.  
Abby nervously stares at her foot, lightly kicking a loose slab in the paving. She had been trying to talk to him about this for the past few days but there had never been a good time. Taking a deep breath she adds "We all know you having a rough time Carter. You need to get help, you need to talk about this, and stop the drinking. And after a paause she added "It's been three months Carter"  
  
"Two and half actually" he spat bitterly and I'm sorry if I haven't been my usual jovial self lately Abby."   
  
"Carter that not what I..."   
  
His voice dripped of sarcasm as it rose, not letting her finish " And you'll have to forgive me if I'm a little short with people sometimes it's just that I have been a little distracted lately. Having you life fall apart and everything you care about gone... " His voice broke and he couldn't finish. His breathing was heavy as he tried to regain his composure. Not giving in to the emotion welling inside him he leans forward, calm now and inches from her face.   
  
"And you of all people Abby can not lecture me on how my personal life and my drinking effects my work. I seem to remember not so long ago a sad drunken loser losing grip for a while there too".   
  
Abby stared at him wide eyed, stunned by his words. She couldn't believe he had just said that. She was routed to the spot in shock, then slowly she turned and walked away.  
  
**What do think? Lots more to come...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to all those of you that have reviewed. **

**I'****m getting quite in to this and have written a draft for the next few chapters already.   
  
Thanks to Miss Dynamite for the words of encouragement. I would love to give you what you want and hey who am I kidding I am a Carby! This chapter is short and sweet but Chapter 4 will be a big one... **

****   
  
A little while later that day...  
  
"Ok he's stable now let's get him up to the OR" Susan said as she removed her trauma gown and gloves. "Neela you come with me and see the ankle fracture in Curtain 3. Abby, do you mind taking this one up with Pratt?"  
  
"Sure no problem"   
  
"Looks like new Mum here is having a busy first week back" Pratt joked as he pushed the gurney towards the elevator.  
  
"You're not kidding; sleep deprivation, kids screaming at you, its home from home." Susan replied with a grin.  
  
"Abby call for you on line one". Chuney said  
  
Abby looked at Susan.  
  
"Ok Abby you take the call, Neela you're with Pratt and I'll take the grumpy fractured ankle guy by myself."  
  
Abby took the phone from Chuny.  
  
"Hello?   
  
"Mom"  
  
"what?"   
  
"Oh my god, is he conscious?"  
  
"Ok, Ok I'm on my way"  
  
Susan looked up from her chart as Abby hangs up.  
  
"Everything OK?"  
  
"It's Eric, I have to go" she said starting for the door. "Can you tell Weaver she yelled as she raced down the corridor "I'll call you later" she shouted, leaving Susan staring after her.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Later that day  
  
"I hear you had a run in with Morris earlier" Luka said as he poured him self a coffee in the lounge. He glanced over at Carter who was lying on the sofa with his arm covering his eyes.  
  
"Want some?" he gestured to the coffee jug in his hand  
  
"No thanks" he said stretching and sitting up.  
  
"What time you off?"  
  
"Not till six", he said rubbing his eyes. "Hey have you seen Abby?  
  
"No I think she left"  
  
Luka caught the look in Carters eye "Everything ok?"  
  
"We had a fight, well…" he sighed "doesn't matter" he said rubbing his palms together.   
  
"It's a fight she'll get over it" Luka said as he sat down.  
  
Carter raised his eyebrows and sighed. He wasn't so sure.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
The next day.  
  
Jerry grabbed the phone. "ER"  
  
"Hey Jerry it's Abby. Susan there?"  
  
Jerry glanced round the admit desk. "No, she must be in trauma 2"  
  
"How about Weaver?"Err no it's just me and Carter.  
  
Carter looked up from the computer at the mention of his name and Jerry handed him the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Abby grimaced she really didn't want to talk to him.  
  
"Hey, look can you tell Weaver I'm not going to be in for the rest of the week".  
  
"Is everything alright?" Carter asked confused  
  
Abby sighed silently she really didn't want to discuss it, especially with him.  
  
"It's Eric, He's critical but stable, tell Susan I'll call her later" and with that she hung up. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok I've posted chapters 4 & 5 together because they are linked. **

**Warning angst here we come! ****Please, please read and review. And a big thanks to all those that have done so already**.

Two weeks later  
  
Abby stretched and adjusted her position on the sofa. She glanced at her watch it was 11.50pm. She sighed; she had a shift in six hours. She had decided to catch up on paper work this evening, sort out her bills, something she had been putting off for weeks and three hours later she had barely touched them. Her mind was elsewhere.   
  
Her brother was as well as could be expected and she had come back to Chicago a few days ago. She sighed at the thought of the weeks of physiotherapy he had ahead of him. Why did this have to happen now? Why when he was just getting it together?  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She pushed the papers on to the coffee table and walked over to the door. She spied through the peephole she wasn't expecting anyone. Shit, Carter.  
  
She unlocked the door slowly and opened it just as far as she needed to so he could see her.   
  
He looked dishevelled and nervous.  
  
"Hi" he said "Can I come in?  
  
"Carter it's midnight"  
  
"I know sorry"  
  
She looked at him debating in her mind what to do, then reluctantly opened the door wider and without saying a word she walked into the kitchen to make coffee.  
  
Carter stood for a moment trying to figure out what to do and what to say and then slowly closed the door behind him and followed her in to the kitchen.  
  
She stood with her back to him at the kitchen counter and started to prepare a coffee for them both.  
  
He watched her for a moment.  
  
"I haven't seen you at work lately, I mean I have, but not to talk to" he stumbled nervously  
  
"What do you want Carter?" she asked flatly and without turning round. Oh god was he drunk?  
  
"To apologise. I'm sorry Abby I shouldn't have said what I said to you, that day at the river".  
  
He was sorry? Sorry for being an insensitive ass hole. She thought back to what had happened, she couldn't believe how angry he was, at her, at the world. Abby's mind was reeling, what was he doing here? Why did she let him in?  
  
She turned but still refusing to look him in the eye, staring at the table.   
  
"You look like hell Carter".   
  
She wanted him to leave she couldn't deal with him right now.  
  
It was late and she had other things on her mind.  
  
Is if reading her thoughts he said  
  
"How's your brother?" Carter pulled out a chair at the table and sat down.  
  
"Better than he was" she said handing him the coffee that he hadn't asked for.  
  
She sat down next to him at the kitchen table and added  
  
"He's out of the woods at least. He lost his spleen, they had to repair his liver and he fractured both his legs one of them in four places, so he's got a long road to recovery."  
  
"He's in traction?"  
  
"Yes, for six weeks"  
  
"That blows. Susan told me what happened. Was anyone else hurt in the accident? "   
  
She really didn't feel like talking about, it was late, she was tired and she had been on the phone for an hour earlier with her Mother discussing her brothers' recovery.   
  
She sighed  
  
"The other driver suffered only minor injuries, nothing serious, not bad considering the guy ran a light"  
  
"Was Eric on his on his meds?"  
  
He saw her body stiffen and he immediately regretted asking.  
  
She looked at him blankly. "Yes he was and has been for the last five months"  
  
"Sorry"  
  
"What for?" She asked irritably  
  
He paused and looked down at the table. "Everything"   
  
"I'm sorry for what I said Abby, I was out of line, way out of line.  
  
She didn't respond, instead she stood picking up her half empty mug and placed it in the sink whilst Carters remained untouched.  
  
"Well you were kind of right in a way" she said as she walked out of the kitchen. She didn't like the awkward atmosphere between them and she needed space. She began clearing up her papers.  
  
Carter got up and followed her, he sat down on the couch. He patted the space next to him  
  
"Sit down"  
  
She looked at him unsure what to do.  
  
"I wasn't right at all" he said as she slowly sat down next to him. "You are one of the strongest people I know. You overcame everything and look at you now"   
  
Abby fidgeted on the edge of the sofa unable to relax and not sure how to respond.  
  
"And" he added taking a deep breath. "You were right I do need to sort myself out. I need to get back on track only I'm not sure how to get there"  
  
He lifted his hand gently to brush the hair out of her face.  
  
"Carter..."  
  
"Shh don't" he said softly  
  
He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek "Thanks for giving me the push to do something" he added huskily.  
  
She looked at him and glanced at his mouth  
  
He saw her look and took it as invitation. He leaned forward and gently turned her face to his, staring in her eyes. God, she was beautiful .He kissed her softly on the mouth. He had missed this. Missed the affection and intimacy.  
  
Abby closed her eyes savouring the moment and responded. Enjoying the feel and taste of him.  
  
He kissed her harder now feeling the passion rising inside of him.

He wanted her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Now do you really think I'd let this happen so easily, Mr horny pants Carter has a lot to make up for!**  
  
**Please read and review!**  
  
Moments later  
  
"Carter No". she murmurs  
  
He continues to kiss her this time feeling for the buttons on her shirt.  
  
"No Carter"  
  
"No!" She pushes him away firmly and stands up. "I think you should leave" She was breathing heavily and her voice was shaking. She ran her fingers through her hair and tried to straighten her shirt.  
  
Carter stares up at her "I..I'm sorry"  
  
She could feel herself shaking she couldn't believe this was happening or what could have happened and that she had allowed it to get this far.  
  
"Look I'll go" he said rising from the sofa. Shit, what had he done, he shouldn't have come here.   
  
Abby was agitated, tense and she could feel the tears pricking the backs of her eyes. She couldn't believe how foolish she was. How she nearly let him close again, nearly let him hurt her..  
  
She watched him pick up his coat and head for the door, the anger and bitterness rising in her.   
  
"What was this Carter?" she spat at his back "what you were hoping for hey? A quick screw to make all you problems disappear?"  
  
He turns to face her standing in the open doorway.  
  
"No,I, I, I don't know"  
  
"How dare you do this." she stutters trying to control the anger growing inside her. "You come in here in the middle of the night expecting to pick up where you left off, well it doesn't work that way John."  
  
Her voiced was controlled as she fought to hold back the emotion that threatened to spill over. She wanted to hold back and say nothing more, for him just to leave but the hurt and the pain of rejection that she had buried so deeply overwhelms her.  
  
"You don't want me Carter, you're just lonely and horny and feeling sorry for yourself".   
  
He stared at her stunned.  
  
"Abby.."  
  
"No, you listen to me" she said pointing at him. The pain of losing him and the emotional stress of the last two weeks with her brother come to a head and she can barely control herself.

"You disappear to Africa without a frigging word and send me a crappy letter that gets read by the whole ER. Then a few months later you turn up back here with you're pregnant girlfriend wanting to be friends. And even though you hurt me I was fine with that, really I was. I moved on, got my life together and now you turn up here wanting an easy lay from poor vulnerable Abby. Well fuck you Carter!"  
  
She tried to suppress a sob. She paused breathing heavily staring at him defiantly as the tears finally spilled over.  
  
"Abby..." he moved towards her wanting to hold her, console her  
  
"Get out!" she yelled.  
  
He stopped and held her gaze a moment longer then he turned and left.  
  
Abby ran over to the door and slammed it behind him. The tears were streaming down her face as she leant on the door and slowly slid down to the floor as her emotions engulfed her.  
  
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Bit heavy I know, but Oh what angst!!!


	6. Chapter 6

****

**Ok, Chapter 6 is up. I hope you've been enjoying the angst so far and don't worry there is still plenty more to come. Thanks so much to all those that have reviewed I really love having feedback. **

**I won't be able to update for a few days after this as I am away, but please be patient. Please, please read and review. **

**Four days later**  
  
"Susan slammed the locker door shut "My god, I thought this shift would never end!  
  
Abby glanced over at her from the lounge table where she was seated reading through a pile of charts.  
  
"Going home?"  
  
"No actually, Chuck's Mum is visiting this week and she's got Lucy. See, I knew there was an up side to having your Mother in law staying with you. No, I'm off for some therapy, retail therapy you can't beat it and anyway I need to go get a gift for the party tomorrow night" She paused pulling on her jacket, a thought coming to her, "Hey why don't you join me?"  
  
"I can't, I need to get home"  
  
"What? What for? Come on Abby it will be fun and I need your helping choosing a gift for the soon to be thirty four year old Luka"  
  
Abby sighed, why the hell not? She was off in a few minutes and maybe a shopping trip with a friend was just what she needed to take her mind off things.  
  
"Ok. Give me ten minutes; I just need to hand over a couple of patients" she said standing and heading for the door.  
  
"Sure" she said smiling "Don't forget your credit card"   
  
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**The Following Day**

Carter shifted in his seat. He was nervous. He stared across the waiting room at the picture on the opposite wall. The painting featured a family by a lake. Two small children were feeding swans. He couldn't see there faces but the father was smiling and seemed to be starring right at him.  
  
He looked away and sighed. He knew he was doing the right thing coming here. And no matter how difficult it was to take that first step, he knew full well he had to face up to the things that were haunting him. Maybe now things would get better. He had seen Abby twice since the night at her apartment. There shifts had crossed over yesterday and she had had to join him in a trauma, then later she had had to consult with him on an end stage cancer patient. She had been civil but distant. He hadn't known what to say, how to be around her. He knew he had messed up.  
  
"Dr Carter, Dr Andrews will see you now" the petite receptionist said.   
  
"Thanks" he replied. He stood up and walked towards her, following her to the door marked  
  
'Dr Andrews, Psychiatry'  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
**Sam's Apartment, later that night**  
  
Abby glanced at the table, it was piled high with gifts still untouched. The music pounded out of the speakers on the opposite side of the room and Abby could feel the vibrations through the floor boards under her feet.   
  
She hadn't been sure that she would come to the party but Susan had persuaded her during their shopping trip yesterday.  
  
_"So have you decided yet?"_ she had said  
  
_"What?"_  
  
_"Whether you're coming tomorrow night"_  
  
Abby hadn't said anything hoping Susan would drop the subject.  
  
_"He won't be there you know".   
_  
_"Who?"  
_  
_"You know who"._ Susan had said not buying Abby's nonchalant attitude for a minute. _"I asked him and he said he had an appointment that he couldn't miss".   
_  
Abby had given Susan the edited hi-lights of what had happened with Carter at her apartment and Susan knew she was keen to avoid him as much as possible.  
  
_"Come on it'll be fun."_ She had saidAnd now here she was.  
  
She took a sip of her soda and sat down next to Chuney and a new nurse she recognised but couldn't remember her name. The party was really filling up now and they had cleared a space in the middle of the room which was now full of people dancing.  
  
She watched Sam, Susan and Mallike dancing amongst the crowd. Maybe she shouldn't have come. It seemed a good idea at the time, a chance to relax, have fun and take her mind off things. The truth was she didn't really have an excuse not to be there. She wasn't working, she'd spoken to Maggie and Eric seemed to be doing ok and as Susan had promised Carter wasn't there.  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by something Chuney was saying to the nurse next to her. The music was loud and she had to strain to hear.  
  
"Carter? No he's not here"  
  
"Shame, he's cute"  
  
"You think?"  
  
"Definitely, is he single?"  
  
"Yes, I think so"  
  
Abby bit her lip and continued to stare at the group on the dance floor. Luka had joined the dance floor and was wrapping his arms around Sam's waist. Sam smiled at him and stood on her tip toes to whisper into his ear and they both laughed.   
  
Abby took a deep breath and stood, deciding she didn't care to hear anymore of Chuney's conversation and besides it was rude to eavesdrop. She headed for the dance floor. And as she approached her friends she had almost convinced herself she was glad that Carter wasn't there. Almost. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's taken me a while to update.... This is short and sweet, hope you enjoy. Plenty more to come. Please read & review**

**Summary: Carter made a pass at Abby and Abby got mad and through him out. They have barely spoken since. Abby is at Luka's birthday party with Susan...**

**Luka's Party -Three hours later**  
  
"Hey there Dr Lockhart, I thought you said were going to dance with me?"  
  
Dan smiled at her. It was late and the party was drawing to a close. Abby was leaning on the lounge door frame waiting for Susan to get their coats. She smiled up at him, Dan worked in radiology and had been hanging around her all night. She secretly had to admit she kind of liked the attention.  
  
"Sorry I'm beat"  
"Oh that's ok, next time maybe"  
"Maybe"  
"How about a drink instead?"  
"I'm sorry I'm about to leave" she said spotting Susan heading towards them "But thanks"  
"You know I'm a mean cook." He said keen to arrange a date before she disappeared.  
"Oh really" Abby said grinning and taking her coat from Susan

"Maybe I can tempt you to try my Lasagne sometime?"  
"Maybe" she said. She pulled on her coat "Goodnight Dan" she called behind her as she grabbed Susan by the arm and began leading her away trying to ignoring the knowing grin Susan was giving her.  
"Night Abby" Dan called after her.  
  
"He's cute" Susan laughed as soon as they were out of earshot.

Abby rolled her eyes.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
**Three days later**  
  
Abby wrapped her coat around her trying to block out the cold wind. She was four hours into an eight hour shift and she had come up to the roof of the hospital to escape the madness for a few minutes. She was on her cell phone with Dan.  
  
"Ok tomorrow night then  
  
...ok great great,  
  
... yes I'll see then. Bye".  
  
She hung up her phone.  
  
"Date?"  
  
She turned startled by the voice. Carter was standing a few feet away cradaling a coffee in his right hand.  
  
"Err yes actually, well kind of".  
  
Carter grinned and nodded.  
  
They had still not discussed what had happened at Abby's apartment. They had been civil to each other at work over last couple of weeks but had avoided each other where possible. And now in the awkwardness of the moment Abby felt uneasy, not sure what to say.  
  
"Well I should get back" she said finally  
  
"Abby wait" he said reaching out to stop her but then pulling his hand away deciding that touching her was probably not a good idea.  
"I just want to say something" he continued

She doesn't look at him but she doesn't leave either so he continues

"I know I behaved terribly that night at you apartment. I just want you to know, it will never happen again" He paused watching her, looking for a reaction but her eyes were hidden by her fringe as she stared at the floor.  
"I'm truly sorry"  
She looks at him finally meeting his gaze

"Sorry for everything thats happened...and I finally took your advice" he added sheepishly.  
Abby looked at him questioningly waiting for him to go on  
  
Carter rocked back on his heels and took a deep breath "I have my third appointment with Dr Andrews at 6pm tonight".  
  
She gave him a small smile, remembering Dr Andrews from her Phych rotation.  
  
There was a pause between them as they both looked out over Chicago skyline unsure what else to say.  
  
Abby broke the silence "So Dr Andrews he's the one that specializes in hopeless deadbeats with uncontrollable sexual impulses". She is smiling as she says it and touches his arm when he doesn't look at her.  
"I'm kidding Carter"  
He returns her smile relieved.  
  
And for the first time in many weeks Carter feels the ice break away between them. Standing on the roof they continue to talk, they re-connect. Something that was missing has now been found. For the first time in a long time Carter feels something other than anger and frustration. He feels hope. Hope for a fresh start. And as he smiles down at her now his stomach flips over in anticipation of what will become of the two of them.


End file.
